I was going to try and improve this, this morning, I don’t like how it reads but I’m not going to. Firstly because it was written when I didn’t feel great, by not changing it, you are seeing me on a bad day. Secondly, I feel worse this morning so I can’t!
Tonight, I’m tired and stiff and sore, I’ve had a sore throat and headache all afternoon and my brain is in a fog. I spent all afternoon lying on the sofa, fighting the urge to go to bed. I tried to read but can’t. I suspect this blog will be finished in the morning, I can already feel my fingers beginning to become painful and my headache worsening.
It is on days like today that it is so hard to remain positive and see happiness in what you’ve got. However, let me review the good things about my day:
1. My mother and father-in-law are looking after me (and my two cats) as my husband is going abroad on business tomorrow: I don’t have to look after myself alone.
2. My good friends Charlotte and Phil took me to the sea, bought me a cup of tea and let me spend time with their lovely son, George.
4. George asked to hold my hand while we walked back to the car.
3. My in-laws were out all day but my father-in-law left me a yummy stew for dinner.
4. My cats came and spent time with me throughout my day on the sofa.
5. My friend, Shelly, asked me if she could come and see me tomorrow despite it being a 90min drive and there was no guarantee I’d be able to see her for long.
6. My mother-in-law brought me tea in bed this morning and this evening.
7. My husband took my much under used but much loved Mx-5 for a drive so that the battery didn’t die.
That is just one day and not a particularly remarkable day. Perhaps some might think each of those little events mean little but put them altogether and they provide the strength you need to deal with the bad days.
I’ve been lucky, I’ve been surrounded by nothing but love and care since all of this began. My mum spent ten days with me the last time my husband went away, my dad researches treatments and regularly emails them to me, my cousins have sent me numerous caring messages, friends from all over the world have expressed their support and strangers I’ve never met have given me their time and energy (much limited) to share their M.E. experiences with me so I don’t feel alone.
A chronic illness doesn’t effect just one person, it effects all those around you. Each person has to do one thing or many things differently to cater for the needs of the chronically ill person.
For me, I don’t think I will ever know how my family / friends feel about my illness in reality, they are always supportive and always willing to help out. Yet it has disrupted their lives, there must be times when they get sick of it, when they would rather not finish cooking dinner for me because I got too tired or drive hours to collect me to bring me somewhere because I can no longer drive. This is a weight that they bear and it must be hard but their support helps to fill me with strength and helps me through the tough times.
For all chronically ill patients, I guess there is one primary carer. For me it is my husband. Over the last six and half years that we’ve been together, we’ve have gone through so much. I always thought we were strong, we must have been to get through them but now ill health has shown just how strong we are. His constant love and support (though I do have to remind him to vacuum!) enables me to do what I need to do to keep going, he enables me to remain positive. He makes me feel that no matter what happens to me, there will always be an ‘us’ fighting it together.
It is so easy to forget about the chronically ill – we are boring company at times, we can’t always guarantee we will follow through on our promises but remember you are part of their foundation of strength, you are essential to a chronically ill patient. Remember too though, we might be ill but we can, in our own way, be there for you too – we can be part of your foundation of strength.