Normally, my blogs are filled with inspiring pictures from my travels or that I believe represent my opinions. Today, however, I don’t want to. I just want the words to do the talking. After a year in India, I am angry and for me only words can express this feeling.
A woman in India must be protected. She must be protected both from her low intellect and therefore her questionable morals that her inability to think results in and she must be protected from man that cannot be expected to corral his own behaviour when faced by the licentiousness of a woman’s easy virtue.
Foreign women visiting India were recently advised not to wear skirts. That this was un-Indian and didn’t represent the high ideals of Indian morals. That as a consequence of foreign women’s low moral standards in terms of dress that Indian men could not be held responsible for their actions. The very sight of a foreign leg having the ability to drive a man to such distraction that a woman would effectively be bringing on her own rape.
A women faced with verbal or physical abuse on the street, should not look to those around her for support. For if she gets it, it is only to be expected that the abuser would rally his ‘boys’ and attack the very person who was trying to protect the victim of their behaviour. Fear of retaliation then stops many who do genuinely object to such behaviour from standing up and defending a woman when she is in a vulnerable position. While the man’s ‘boys’ rather than turning on their friend for verbally or physically abusing a woman, instead choose to defend her.
Men seldomly look at me other than to stare. There is never eye contact or recognition of my existence. My husband is always deferred to even amongst those I consider educated. Any decisions are always for my husband to make not I. This is not politeness but rather with my husband I do not exist. Therefore I either don’t exist or I am an object that can be stared at no matter who intimidating this is.
I recently booked two flights to Goa for my husband and I. I was the primary traveller on the reservation. I still travel on my maiden name: Donaldson. After making the reservation I immediately received a text message thanking Mr Ironside for having made the reservation. Closer to the date of travel Mr Ironside also was reminded of his flight. I did not exist. All correspondence was in his name.
My maid’s sister recently had a baby. As the elder sister, the sister left her husband and moved in with her. When she became sick after giving birth, it was my maid who had to stay overnight in the hospital despite her holding down two jobs. When my maid’s dad became sick in the south of India, instead of leaving immediately to see him, she had to stay – the baby’s father was not responsible for looking after the baby and the mother was not well enough to do it alone. Her other sister lives below her and her husband refused to allow her to help look after the baby and shouted at her that she wasn’t spending enough time at home cooking and cleaning for him.
Mind you, this comes from a man who rejected his wife’s daughter. A daughter who now lives upstairs with my maid and for whom no financial support is provided. A daughter whose birth father rejected her on birth and refused to allow the baby girl to stay in his house. Hence why my maid took her in. He eventually left his wife but she still went on to remarry a man who refused to recognise her daughter’s existence.
The Indian government is in the process of introducing revolutionary new maternity leave and child care provision. Indian women will go from being allowed 12 weeks maternity leave to 26. All companies with more than 50 employees will have to have a creche that the mother will be allowed to visit 4 times a day. This is to be applauded.
Paternity leave is being debated although the resounding political opinion is that this is not fair on the wife. The husband will just see it as a holiday and it will just increase the wife’s workload when she already as a newborn baby. Once again instead of making a man responsible for supporting his wife more than financially, it is being officially recognised that it isn’t a man’s job to bond with his child. While this may be culturally the case, the government instead of fighting it will instead prevent those modern Indian men desperate to help out at home and bond with their child from doing the very thing that surely is a human right.
Most charities operating in India focus on women and empowering women, finding them a way to increase their incomes. Why? On average every rupee extra a women makes will go to her house, her children. It is widely recognised that on average every rupee extra a man makes will go on himself – on drinking, on cigarettes, a new phone and not where it is needed. If you want to educate a chid, you first educate the mother and not the father.
A BBC documentary about the rape of Nirbhaya on a bus in Delhi in December 2012 that didn’t hold back in its criticism of the authorities and the general approach to rape politics / culture in India has been banned in India. Better to ban a controversial topic than provide yet another means of highlighting something that no one is comfortable with.
I, a strong independent woman who refuses to take any nonsense from anyone- good luck to them if they should try, find on a daily basis my rights as a human being being infringed. On a daily basis, India tries to reinforce with me that I am worth less than my husband and indeed worth less than men in general, including those who rape. Faced with this on a daily basis by someone without the education and life experience to know that it is wrong, to try and fight it requires a bravery that many Indian women just cannot afford to have. Their very survival depends upon them not recognising how they are being treated and if they do, not standing up and fighting for their rights.
India proports to be a global leader. One that has managed to balance the needs of modern capitalism with defending the rights of the family. Yet it is one that fails to recognise the power of women in society. It is one that continually degradates a women and reduces them to little more than a feeble being incapable of their own management or hypocritically a wanton being who can bring a man to such lust that he cannot be responsible for his actions.
As a side note, this blog is sedition. Any criticism of India of any description is illegal. Questioning the status quo and the Indian government’s role in the current situation is not allowed. I could be arrested and sentence to10 years plus in prison for this. I personally call it the United Nations Humanitarian Right to Freedom of Speech.