Tag Archives: bad days

Dahi Handi – the Yoghurt Pot Festival

It would be fair to describe my last blog as depressing.

I had found myself in what was quite a scary position. I fully understood why I was feeling so bad and I also fully understood just how bad things could get if not only was I lucky but more importantly very, very careful.

It seems I had been determined to forget about the fact that my health had been so bad and to allow myself to heal from the pain and fear that caused. On the other hand, the process of forgetting just resulted in my returning to where I had been 18 months earlier. I think therefore that it is not wise to forget just yet.

I must remain careful without going over the top. Every day / week I must plan my time so that serious and genuine rest is also included. Pacing: the very word I had allowed myself to forget but at least for the foreseeable future must remain a key word in my daily life.

Over the last few weeks, I have spent considerably more time at home but this has enabled me to do some pretty amazing things with the energy saved. It has allowed me to experience India!

The period from September to November is pretty much festival time in India! Over the next few months, I will post blogs about these festivities. Each however definitely deserves its own blog.

syama-krishna_sThe month started off with the birth of Krishna and the following night Dahi Handi. Indian’s love to party and what’s more they love to party with no concerns at all for health and safety. Consequently, Dahi Handi was an incredible experience.

You see Krishna wasn’t necessarily the best behaved boy in the world and he just loved, loved, loved his mother’s Dahi – yoghurt. a3-2So much so that he would at any opportunity steal it off his mum. Well now, his mum was having none of that – no, no she wasn’t. So she did what every parent has done in their lifetime – she hung the yoghurt pot (the handi) up out of her son’s reach. Well now, as every parent also knows: children grow. So week after week, she had to hang it higher and higher and higher! But Krishna was clever and he always found a way to eventually get to the yoghurt and get it out.

IMG_0035This story has led to the incredible spectacle of Dahi Handi. Big pots of honey and yoghurt are hung either from tall cranes or from a rope strung from two very tall buildings. Now, Dahi Handi has been somewhat restricted this year due to the drought Maharashtra is currently experiencing so apparently what I saw was far, far tamer than normal!

IMG_0006Having met up with some friends, we were all ready for our experience of a traditional Hindu religious festival. What we weren’t prepared for was the Bollywood dance music mixed with a rave! 1000s of men all effectively had a massive rave for two hours prior to the commencement of the Dahi Handi – timing of which was somewhat vague.

Of course, myself and Chris being the only white people there made us the centre of attention at times but we have become accustomed to being stopped and photographed repeatedly! Our friends, who are of Indian origin but still clearly look foreign were not short of stares and people whispering about them. It is never aggressive though – just intrigued!

Only in India however could a fight break out in the middle of this otherwise very congenial rave; the police wade in and sort it out; and then immediately be followed by a car driving through said throng so that a Bollywood actress could climb out and walk through the rest of the crowd to the stage. My friend’s husband was very pleased as she was his second favourite Bollywood actress!

Finally, Dahi Handi could commence – the actresses had arrived even if she was very late!

A team of men (age 12 – 30 perhaps) formed a human pyramid of about 8 layers. A tiny kid climbed up the pyramid onto the shoulders of the person at the top – the kid then proceeded to try and break open the handi unfortunately he failed so had to climb down again to get something better to break it with! Finally, he succeeded and the pyramid was doused in gallons of yoghurt much to the crowds delight!

Dahi Handi Pyramid – my video!

Dahi Handi – professional video

11947918_10153021637676820_7850001245742241422_oNormally, teams of pyramid builders compete to get the pot with prizes worth huge amounts of money. To make it more difficult, water is sprayed on the contestants so that everything and everyone gets very slippery! With the drought however this particular feature was banned and consequently some communities choose not to have teams competing!

Of course all of this happened on a public street. Eventually one side of the road was closed but crowds spilled onto the other lanes which were still open and now had traffic going in both directions. Chaos reigned! Young boys still ran around the traffic seemingly oblivious to the dangers! We did venture into the crowd at several points but were very grateful to the wise planning of our friends who had booked a table on a hotel balcony overlooking the spectacle.

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It was a very long and very exhausting evening but so, so much fun! We seem to spend so much of our lives socialising where the expats or wealthy Indians go – it is always a relief in a way to spend time frankly with normal people from all classes and walks of life!

Next year we will try and get out to a more rural occasion for Dahi Handi which apparently is a totally different experience! So, give it 12 months and you can look forward to reading that blog too!

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Damn You, Kazza!

Wineglass Bay is considered to be the most beautiful bay  / beach in the world so visiting it during our stay in Tasmania was an absolute must.

IMG_4645 My first blog post from Australia was entitled: Not a Kazza in Sight! That turned out to not exactly be true. Kazza definitely came along for the ride. We managed to keep her in abeyance a lot of the time but we couldn’t help her coming to the fore from time to time.

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You see climbing up a mountain(ish) pass (to Wineglass Bay Lookout) and down the other side (to the beach itself) is hard work for a girl with a breathing problem but even worse for a girl with a competition problem. I constantly compete with myself (and some would say others too) and consequently get quite frankly pissed off with myself if I can’t do things. Which we all know is of course ridiculous!

IMG_4674So getting upset that I struggled to walk up a steep hill when I could barely walk to the end of the road this time last year is crazy. Getting upset because I was exhausted at the end of an 11km walk is also ridiculous but I just can’t stand to fail. I can’t stand to admit that I am not invincible which of course is how we got into this stupid mess, September 2013!

Australia was spectacular and was without doubt a holiday of a lifetime – I will always remember pretty much everything we did over those three incredible weeks. Every day brought a new adventure and a new sight that was unforgettable.

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The consequence of this incredible holiday from a health perspective however is that I returned exhausted. My week off to recover afterwards barely touch the sides of my exhaustion (largely because I filled it with activity everyday!). My week off rather than constituting doing nothing, constituted doing lots just not running! That, I convinced myself was a week off.

I had begun to recover and had even done a successful yoga class when our shipment arrived. This involved two solid days of hard work lifting and carrying and packing of boxes. Without leaving my house, I managed to accrue the guts of 20,000 steps a day and burned about 4000 calories! This was not what my body needed. We won’t even get into the psychological impact of lots of wedding presents getting smashed!

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Of course mixed into all of this was more issues with our washing machine which I of course had to deal with while still trying to direct hundreds of boxes to vaguely correct rooms around the house! Exhausting both physically and mentally.

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Note water gushing over the top!

Of course that washing machine repair failed (shock horror) and so it required, a few days later, another fight with a plumber over the course of three hours that water shouldn’t be dripping out of the hose pipe that, unlike what he claimed,- this was not ‘normal’. Every failed attempt to get me to agree that the leaking hose was fixed led to a phone call to his boss and every conversation started with him in Marathi / Hindi explaining that, ‘mam says there is a leak but there is no leak’ quickly followed by my saying (in English), ‘don’t say there is no leak when there is a leak!’ His boss seemed to inform him each time to fix it again! We got there in the end but it did take three hours! Once again, mentally exhausting.

Now that little adventure was followed by my deciding I would get a guy in to clean my windows inside and out. They were beyond filthy – still covered in the construction dust from when they were built a year ago. In places, it was difficult to even see out the window! I agreed to a price and when he would come. I didn’t on the other hand grasp the fact that it would take about 6 guys and about 9 hours of work (over two days) inside in the house and another 2 days to clean the outside of the apartment (on ropes from the roof!). Why would I ever have considered that it would take this long?! Sure our apartment is big but good lord it’s not that big!

While the guys are here, you have to hang around – I can’t exactly leave them unsupervised but it means you can’t really rest. I feel too uncomfortable with having people in to do such jobs to lie on the sofa and watch TV or with them moving around the whole time – go to bed for a few hours. So I continue to potter about, convincing myself that unpacking those boxes or carrying that heavy load is ok when really I am doing exactly the thing I shouldn’t be doing!

These adventures of course are unusual. They are in addition to the everyday challenges that you are faced with here. Where can I buy fruit? Where can I buy vegetables? Where can I buy meat? When will these places be open? When will I have the car to go and get them? What price am I willing to buy the rickshaw driver who is trying to rip me off? Where can I get big black bags for the dustbin when all I can find are little ones? Where do I find cat litter that isn’t vile and disgusting because the cats are hating what I got for them!? Where? When? How?

Over the last week therefore I can categorically say I have begun to feel again the way I did 18 months ago. I am reminded again about the difference between fatigue and tiredness. I am not really tired, I am seriously fatigued. A blog, many months ago now, talked about how I had to walk the tight rope between doing too little and doing too much. Too little and I would make myself too physically unfit to deal with my illness and psychologically do damage by isolating myself from the world but equally doing too much would make me physically more ill and make it harder for me to psychologically deal with my illness (my brain gets tired just like my body does).

cropped-20140318-0801571.jpgThe tightrope is back and once again nobody has given me any safety ropes. While I feel I am in a much better position than I was back then, it does without question scare me. This feels like the worst relapse I have had since I seemed at least on the outside ‘to be better’. Just like I coped before I can cope again.

And here, far more than back in the UK, will help me recover. Here, I have lovely Maggie who comes and cleans my house. The weather is warm and that always helps. I don’t have the pressure of trying to return to work. I can cheat and buy my meat from a 5 star hotel and order my vegetables online (even if the price and quality isn’t the same as buying them elsewhere). I have a driver so I don’t have to worry about not being able to drive or getting the energy together to use public transport. There is also an incredibly supportive group of people here that will help me to look after myself (just like I had back in the UK).

So, rather than seeing my current state has something traumatic and worrying, I see it rather more as a warning, a reminder of where I have come from and where with very little trouble I can go back to if I am not careful. So I will be careful (well, I will at least try).

I didn’t write this blog to worry people but more as my way of saying – ‘Please, those who have been on Karen Duty in the past, can you return to your posts’ and ‘those who are new to Karen Duty, can you please look out for me and be bossy and tell me off for doing too much and understand if I don’t do as much as I was.’

What makes us strong?

I was going to try and improve this, this morning, I don’t like how it reads but I’m not going to. Firstly because it was written when I didn’t feel great, by not changing it, you are seeing me on a bad day. Secondly, I feel worse this morning so I can’t!

Tonight, I’m tired and stiff and sore, I’ve had a sore throat and headache all afternoon and my brain is in a fog. I spent all afternoon lying on the sofa, fighting the urge to go to bed. I tried to read but can’t. I suspect this blog will be finished in the morning, I can already feel my fingers beginning to become painful and my headache worsening.

It is on days like today that it is so hard to remain positive and see happiness in what you’ve got. However, let me review the good things about my day:

1. My mother and father-in-law are looking after me (and my two cats) as my husband is going abroad on business tomorrow: I don’t have to look after myself alone.
2. My good friends Charlotte and Phil took me to the sea, bought me a cup of tea and let me spend time with their lovely son, George.
4. George asked to hold my hand while we walked back to the car.
3. My in-laws were out all day but my father-in-law left me a yummy stew for dinner.
4. My cats came and spent time with me throughout my day on the sofa.
5. My friend, Shelly, asked me if she could come and see me tomorrow despite it being a 90min drive and there was no guarantee I’d be able to see her for long.
6. My mother-in-law brought me tea in bed this morning and this evening.
7. My husband took my much under used but much loved Mx-5 for a drive so that the battery didn’t die.

That is just one day and not a particularly remarkable day. Perhaps some might think each of those little events mean little but put them altogether and they provide the strength you need to deal with the bad days.

I’ve been lucky, I’ve been surrounded by nothing but love and care since all of this began. My mum spent ten days with me the last time my husband went away, my dad researches treatments and regularly emails them to me, my cousins have sent me numerous caring messages, friends from all over the world have expressed their support and strangers I’ve never met have given me their time and energy (much limited) to share their M.E. experiences with me so I don’t feel alone.

A chronic illness doesn’t effect just one person, it effects all those around you. Each person has to do one thing or many things differently to cater for the needs of the chronically ill person.

For me, I don’t think I will ever know how my family / friends feel about my illness in reality, they are always supportive and always willing to help out. Yet it has disrupted their lives, there must be times when they get sick of it, when they would rather not finish cooking dinner for me because I got too tired or drive hours to collect me to bring me somewhere because I can no longer drive. This is a weight that they bear and it must be hard but their support helps to fill me with strength and helps me through the tough times.

For all chronically ill patients, I guess there is one primary carer. For me it is my husband. Over the last six and half years that we’ve been together, we’ve have gone through so much. I always thought we were strong, we must have been to get through them but now ill health has shown just how strong we are. His constant love and support (though I do have to remind him to vacuum!) enables me to do what I need to do to keep going, he enables me to remain positive. He makes me feel that no matter what happens to me, there will always be an ‘us’ fighting it together.

It is so easy to forget about the chronically ill – we are boring company at times, we can’t always guarantee we will follow through on our promises but remember you are part of their foundation of strength, you are essential to a chronically ill patient. Remember too though, we might be ill but we can, in our own way, be there for you too – we can be part of your foundation of strength.

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